


The Wyoming Challenge

by moosetashioedmonocle



Series: Freelancer challenges [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, and fuckery, and nonsensical fuckery, this is all just nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-16 00:56:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5807050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosetashioedmonocle/pseuds/moosetashioedmonocle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the introduction of the first two AI, things get weird(er than usual) on board the Mother Of Invention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wyoming Challenge

It is rather odd to say that this did not begin with Florida.

You see, Florida had already been a participant of a certain act with a certain person multiple times, so saying it started with him would be saying it began at the beginning of Freelancer.

In an effort to save time, it started with Sigma.

AI Fragment Sigma. The rumors had been flying about the Mother of Invention for almost a week, talking about how project Freelancer had finally gotten their hands on their first fragment.  
Sigma was given to number one. Carolina was unstoppable.

Nevermind that Sigma was literally on fire 100% of the time, or that he spoke in a creepy and echo-filled voice. He was the “hot” commodity. With Sigma’s introduction to the group, everything started changing. The group became just the slightest bit more competitive. Carolina became more aggressive.

This aggressiveness was not what started it, but it certainly didn’t stop it.

What really started it was the mention of the next fragment-Gamma.

Sigma mentioned it offhand that project Freelancer was soon to have a second AI addition. Tensions over who would get it swept over everyone, even the crew members.  
So when Gamma was given to Wyoming, it was damn close to nuclear war.

“Wyoming? WYOMING? What the fuck is wrong with the director, what is Wyoming going to use an AI for? Knock knock jokes?” South fumed in the lockers after hearing the news.

“Hey South, knock-knock.” Florida taunted. The female Dakota turned and glared daggers at him. He didn’t even waver in his smile.

“I swear to fucking Jesus Christ I will rip out your intestines and bathe in your motherfucking blood if you try and finish that joke, you wet chicken nugget.”

“You’re supposed to say “who’s there”, silly billy!” Florida responded. The entire locker room went dead silent. Someone was going to die. It was probably going to be South.  
She may as well have died, after lunging at Florida like a complete noob. She ended up on the floor with her ass in the air, head spinning.

“Who’s…there?” she drawled, collapsing onto her side.

“A wet chicken nugget, apparently. Anyone else mad about the Gamma thing? C’mon, I haven’t gotten action in days.” Florida challenged the room.

“Haven’t gotten action in days? That’s bullshit, you and Wyoming are screwing all the time. It’s disgusting.” York chimed in, but more to himself. At least, he thought it was to himself, until he shut his locker door and found the creepiest looking Florida behind it.

“York. I am so thirsty, I could die of dehydration.”

“What?”

“I mean that you are a fudgesical of a liar, and I state again. I haven’t. Gotten. Action. In. Days.” Florida fanned himself dramatically, throwing himself over the lap of Maine. Maine looked down at him in confusion. Florida gave his most seductive smile.  
Maine stood up and let the tiny man fall to the floor with a loud thud.

“No need for you to get off on beating the rest of us.” Wash said without thinking. “Beating up. Up. I meant up. UP.”

“Yeah, we know, Wash. Why don’t you throw in a few “no-homos”, that’ll really help your case.” North chuckled. York started laughing from across the room.

“Says the most homo guy in the group.” Wash scoffed.

“Ahem.” Florida cleared his throat.

“Second most homo guy in the group!” corrected Washington.

“It’s not gay if-“

“Don’t finish that sentence. That weird bet you had with South really changed you, huh?” Carolina asked, cocking her hip.

“Your boyfriend is really sweet to me, Lina.” North grinned from ear to ear, but in his eyes burned the most intense of jealous fires.

“Gentlemen, may I remind you-“ speaking of fires, out came Sigma, intent on reminding all the gathered agents that sex was against the rules and all of them were probably going to hell.  
Sigma would know, after all. He did look like Satan.

“Sigma, please.” Carolina said, and Sigma nodded. After a creepy glance over at agent Maine, he vanished into Carolina’s head once again.

“Please, no sex talk while I die of thirst over here.” Florida muttered from where he lay on the floor. Maine stepped over him.

“So Wyoming is starving you?”

“Yes.”

“Hey, cheer up. Maybe once he gets Gamma implanted, he’ll stop being so stingy.” Suggested Carolina. The room turned to look at her.

“Are you saying that an AI fragment makes you HORNY?” screamed South at the top of her lungs for no reason other than she wanted to be needlessly loud.

“Yes? Sigma does, at least. I don’t know if Gamma-“

“Sigma makes you horny.” Wash stated ever so bluntly.

“He’s an asshole like that, yeah. Little shit does it on purpose.”

“Agent Carolina, if I may-“ Sigma appeared again, and the freelancers all flinched. A big group of professionally trained soldiers were all semi-scared of a tiny floating fiery ghost person who did nothing but hover next to Carolina.

“You may not. Shoo.” She replied calmly, moving her hand through his projection until he once again looked over at Maine and shut off.

“What.” Said Maine, who could not honestly believe what Carolina was saying.

“Look, he constantly flips through my thoughts. Sometimes, he’ll catch a stray one and run with it. I don’t really know why you guys are hung up about-“

“Do I want to know what is going on in here?”  
The freelancers all turned in unison, witnessing all at once as agent Wyoming waltzed into the room.

“Why are you here? You shouldn’t be out of recovery yet!” York whined, feeling that the conversation was now ruined by Wyoming’s mere presence. Wyoming chuckled.

“No harm in walking about, chaps. Can’t get hurt just from walking.”

“Glad to see you back on your feet!” Florida, who was getting back up on his feet, practically cheered as he crossed the room and threw himself between Wyoming’s arms. They were sick, absolutely sick as they exchanged a tiny peck on the lips. The entire room gagged at once, and Florida spun around to flip them all off. South immediately put up her fingers. Carolina slowly put up her left hand. York lifted both arms high in the air and held them with pride.

“So, how’s it feel with someone else inside your head?” CT asked. Wyoming shrugged.

“It’s certainly…different. Feels like a bloody invasion of privacy all the time.”

“Can we meet him?” asked Florida, getting all puppy-eyed.

“I suppose, just for a moment. Gamma, out you pop.” Wyoming turned his head just a bit to the left to summon the blue motion-blur that was Gamma.

“Greetings. I am AI fragment Gamma.” The AI said in a ghastly monotone, as if nobody had heard the name before. York visibly winced upon hearing its computer-tone voice.

“Holy fuck-and I thought Sigma sounded bad. I do not want one of those things anywhere near me.” South whined, clutching at her ears.

“Tell me he does not sound like THAT in your head.” Florida begged. Wyoming shook his head.

“He always sounds like that. It isn’t as bad as you all make it out to be.”

“Ah y’all yanks can’t handle the bloody screeches of demons like us Brits can pip pip cheerio time for cheeky nandos with the lads and then tea with the Queen pip.” South mocked in a horrible English accent. North decked her one on the arm. Wyoming, who had been smiling when he came in the room originally, frowned. It was barely visible under his giant mustache.

“I find my choice of voice irrelevant. How I sound does not matter so long as I am capable of functioning at high capacity.” Gamma defended, speaking extra loud.

“And it’s also a fucking nerd. You won the lottery with this, Wyoming!” South jeered. Wyoming’s bushy eyebrows came to form a bushy shitty-child-drawing-of-a-bird of anger.

“Oh hush now, South, honey. Quit talking bad about the new guy, okay?” Florida intervened, wrinkling his nose at South. She stuck her tongue out. So did he.

“You’re just hoping Gamma does for him what Sigma did for Carolina.” North muttered under his breath. His thirsty jealousy of Carolina and York was seeping throughout the core of his being, and being next to him was like standing in a puddle of unrequited feelings.

“What did Sigma do for-” Wyoming began to ask.

“Oh, nothing important. Say, why don’t we get you back to medical, yeah? You shouldn’t be too far away, just in case.” Florida immediately covered, latching himself onto Wyoming’s arm and tugging him away.

“Okay, I was wrong. Florida is parched.” York said. The freelancers muttered agreements.

In a way, it had started with Florida.  
Gamma’s big enhancement was a time-distorter. He could slow-down, speed-up, and possibly reverse time itself. Really, it was making Wyoming’s brain work at a different speed, as well as his muscles, so it seemed like time was being distorted when really he was just experiencing it differently.

Or, best put by Florida the following day, Gamma made sex enjoyable for the older man again.

Wyoming had not been spared this translation, and had literally lost his marbles trying to explain that 1, that’s not how it worked; 2, Gamma hadn’t changed any sort of sexual experience for him; and 3, he always enjoyed sex, what was Florida thinking in accusing him of otherwise?  
York wouldn’t pass up watching Wyoming crash and burn for the world, but he figured he would bail the other guy out, just this one time.

“So, Wyoming, how does it work? If it’s not all in your head, that is.”

“The time distortion?” Fucking Wyoming couldn’t pass up a chance to talk about how it actually worked. York filtered out about half of it, since he was really just waiting for one little verbal cue he knew Wyoming would say eventually. The British man wasn’t as deep as he wanted to be.

“-of course, I suppose Florida was right about that.” Boom. Exactly as planned.

“Florida’s right? Wow, this may be the first time he’s been correct with something involving you.” Bait cast. With the confused look Wyoming was giving him, York smiled.

“Beg pardon?”

“I mean, he’s been embellishing your sex life for months now, right?” Honestly, it was too easy sometimes. Wyoming’s expression became instantly more angry, which was a bit of a ridiculous look on him. Florida, however, scoffed.

“Like you’re one to talk, York.” Florida murmured to himself.

“Oh, I see how it is. You think I embellish shit to make myself sound better?”

“Let’s just say you certainly couldn’t have been hired for the skills you claim to have been brought on for.” Florida was certainly aggressive this morning. Must’ve been quite a good night last night-or something truly abysmal, perhaps. It was always hard to tell with him.

“Look, tell you what. I bet I can pick a lock better than he can fuck, even with Gamma.”

“How much?” Florida asked, leaning forward on his elbows, trying to contain his excitement around betting. Especially with a bet he was certain he was going to win.

“Last month’s cut from the poker game.” York offered.

“No way, we all know you blew half of it to refill the alcohol stash.”

“Plus bragging rights?” With anyone else, bragging rights would seem like a meager prize. With Wyoming, however, bragging rights were worth so much more.

“Wyoming, what do you think?” Florida quietly asked, turning away from York.

“Throw in the key to Carolina’s not-so-secret weapons stash, and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“What-she’ll kill me if I do that!” York quietly hissed, leaning his entire upper body forward to eliminate anyone else from hearing-especially a certain redhead.

“What’s the matter, chap? Already know you’ll lose?” it was Wyoming’s turn to smirk. York wasn’t any deeper than he was, he could manipulate York in his sleep if he wanted.

Not, of course, that this was sleeping. At least, not the traditional meaning of sleep.  
Wyoming would never admit it, but he’d actually been looking forward to an opportunity to fuck York. He always suspected that the locksmith would be fun-mainly because his ongoing rivalry with York led to plenty of daily witty banter. He always wondered if York would still be cursing his name and egging him on in the throes of pleasure. Had he known it would be this much fun, however, he would have done it months ago.  
Mainly because every suspicion he ever had about the other man had been right. From the second York walked in the room, he was challenging Wyoming to prove himself-which was a challenge Wyoming always appreciated.

Plus, York was fairly attractive. Always a plus.

“That all you got, old man?” Oh yes. There was also that. York knew how to push his buttons. Fuck, all the wasted time, that was what Wyoming would regret after this.

“Oh, hardly.” Wyoming shrugged, rolling his hips harshly, earning a curse word from York.

“You’re all talk, I’ve gotten better from Wash.” York spat, but he did subtly push back. So that’s how he liked it, hm? Wyoming could do rough-he was, after all, usually entangled with Florida.

Fun fact about agent York that Wyoming learned about thirty time-distorted seconds later. He was very loud when he finally came.  
Which, in retrospect for him, was not his best move. Now Wyoming was pleased as punch and walking on sunlight, while a few of the other freelancers were curious if what they had heard was what they were thinking.

“Just come out and ask, seriously. I know that expression, Lina.”

“I take it you already know what I’m thinking?”

“Yes.”

“Did you?”

“Yes.” The one spitting out coffee happened to be North, who immediately started talking to Wash about something unrelated to make it look like he wasn’t listening in.

“How was-” Carolina started, but was caught off by agent Florida walking into the room.

“York! There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you!” goddamn, York regretted throwing in bragging rights so hard right now. It wasn’t his fault Florida had him lockpick one of those dumb holographic locks. Those things were damn near impossible for anyone!

“Morning, Florida.” York quietly said, sipping from his coffee and accepting his fate.

“Can’t stay long, I’m afraid. I’m off to a briefing in a few minutes, so I’m gonna need-” Florida didn’t even have to finish before York threw his wallet at the armored freelancer.

“That’s all that’s left.” He grumbled. Florida frowned at the meager offering, but it was indeed the amount he had suspected.

“Hey, no hard feelings, right?” Florida asked as he tossed the empty wallet back. “It’s not your fault-after all, who would believe that Wyoming’s better at sex than you?” Florida threw out as he left the room. Goddamn that Florida, he knew exactly what he was doing.

York breathed in the last breath of air he would breathe as a man without shame, eyes closed. When he exhaled, he let fate bring him into the living hell he expected, and when his eyes opened he was indeed greeted by the sudden clustered group of other freelancers that flocked to his breakfast table.

“So…what was that about?” Wash was the first to ask. Carolina was just trying not to laugh.

“Jesus Christ, you are all vultures, you know that?”

“Less insulting, more explanation.” South snapped, actually snapping her fingers. York sat forward, hands running down his face.

“I made a stupid bet with Florida and I underestimated Gamma, okay? Fucking drop it.”

“We need more than that.”

“What do you want from me, a written and signed confession? He was better than I thought, there’s nothing else to say. Let it go, or go see for yourself. It’ll only cost you poker winnings-which means you can’t have a round, Wash. Sorry.” York said to the grand loser of the last round of poker. Granted, it had been strip poker, and being around so many muscular naked men had apparently made Wash unable to gamble worth a damn.

“Up yours, York.” Wash muttered.

“Wait-poker winnings? That’s it?” North, surprisingly, was the one to ask.

“Oh, and also your dignity and pride if you lose. There’s that.”

“Oh, North, you should try that then.” South immediately challenged her brother.

“You know what. I’ve been doing good at these so far-” North said

“You lost both of the last two.” Wash informed him.

“Holy shit, you’re going to do it?” South laughed.

“I believe in you, North.” York said with a smile. It was the only push North really needed.

Of course, York believing in him apparently wasn’t enough.  
North had always known he was gay. It had always been obvious to him, so he didn’t question it. Lately, though, he found himself questioning whether he was just gay or only gay for guys with a little bit of muscle. Unfortunately, Wyoming was built pretty well-sniping does that. North knew how it was-everyone loved the big shoulders. Nice and muscular, and the skin thin enough to see all the movements underneath. Fuck, muscles were nice. North gave up trying to win the moment Wyoming offered him a “handlebar ride”. He lost one time-distorted minute later, leaving bruises in the other sniper’s paler shoulders.

North didn’t really care about what Wash said, he still felt like a winner the next morning. After an insistence they carry the whole thing through, North learned the slightly disturbing fact that Florida, who everyone just assumed was lying half the time, was not at all wrong about all the things he claimed Wyoming could do. It seemed almost out of character for him, but North wasn’t going to point this out.

In fact, his plan was just not to say anything. Don’t start any conversations with anyone besides York or Wash (and nothing about last night at all, no matter what), and he could maybe survive the crippling shame that followed the thought that Wyoming had won three times the night before.

“North, chap, you’re oddly quiet.” Oh no. Shut up. Don’t do this, Wyoming.

“Well…” North started, but ended with a half-hearted shrug and sipped at his coffee.

“Quite unlike you.” Wyoming, no. “Especially considering how loud you can be.” Wyoming, NO.

“Woah, wait, answer the fucking phone and then put it on hold, did you-” South chuckled, rising from a portal to hell to make a bad situation worse. Okay, she just slid into the spot next to North, but North felt like he was on fire anyway.

“Maybe.”

“You lost.”

“And kept on losing.” Wyoming said into his teacup, but not into his teacup. It was to the table. It was fake-quiet. And it was bad at that.

“Whaaaaaat?” and with that, North Dakota died. He could feel his soul leaving his body. He could feel the cold emptiness of the void around him. The only other thing in the void with him was the sound of York stretching out a “what” with a goofy smile.

“Look at your face, North, you’re blushing worse than Wash ever does!” Carolina laughed, leaning diagonally across the table to nudge North and pull him out of the void.

“Let’s not talk about this anymore, yeah?” North laughed awkwardly, standing up to leave.

“Sit the fuck down and start talking or I will pull out the last remaining photo of your weird goth phase from middle school.” South said while inspecting her fingernails. North plopped his ass back down, unable to stop the minor wince from sitting so fast.

“Wait, North’s what?” York asked.

“Alright, what did you want to know?” North asked, a bit too loudly.

“Did you lose more than once?” Wash asked, tilting his head.

“Yes. Next.”

“How many times?” Wash asked another question, cutting off Wyoming from cracking a joke. North made a mental note to do something nice for him later. His mind immediately jumped to sex, but that sort of thing was to be expected when it was the topic of conversation.

“Three times.” North meekly said, already adjusting to keep himself from just bolting to the door. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to discuss sex at the table-fuck, he did that enough already. It was just that that was with York and Wash, and not…Wyoming.

“And how was it?” Florida sang, leaning forward on his elbows with a face one can only describe as “cheeky asshole smile”.

“Awful. Horrible. The worst.” North said too fast.

“Oh come on, you can tell the truth, we aren’t on the clock yet.”

“What does that even mean?” Wash asked Florida. Florida ignored him.

“Alright, you got me. It wasn’t half bad. In fact, if anyone actually manages to win, I’ll throw in a little extra cash.” North challenged. He must’ve sounded crazy to the other freelancers, but he had faith he would still be rich by the end of this little challenge.

“That’s…not what I expected.” Wyoming muttered to himself after breakfast,

 

“You’re…not who I expected.” He said later, when he opened the door for an antsy CT.

“Shut up and let me in. I don’t want anyone seeing yet.”

“But you’re fine with them taunting you after you lose?”

“I won’t lose.” She snapped. Wyoming invited her in. A few moments later, she invited him in.  
CT had a game plan. She knew from past experiences that no matter what, she couldn’t get off with just penetration alone. Of course, there was no way Wyoming knew that-and if she could fake feeling it and fool Wyoming for the five minute requirement, she could easily win this.

“You seem a bit nervous, dear-you sure you want to do this?”

“Let’s just go at it already, I already got my pants off.” CT laid down, game plan in mind, and almost forgot it entirely when Wyoming started rubbing at her.

“Hmm…”

“What?” She snapped. He wasn’t supposed to be taking this long.

“You’re a little tense.”

“What’s it to you?”

“Look, I get that you want to win, but I have no intention of giving you awful sex. Despite what this silly bet has everyone thinking, I am a gentleman. Tell you what-let’s call the first one a warm-up, and it won’t count, that sound fine to you dear?”

“Wait, what?”

“One free orgasm, just to relax you.”

“You really are an arrogant bastard, aren’t you? What makes you think you can get me-” CT said mere seconds before the fingers that had been working tenderly at her were joined by Wyoming’s warm (and bushy) mouth.  
Wyoming got her off. In doing so, he learned what made her tick. So there went the game plan, really.  
The game plan after that was to just not eat breakfast.

 

The next person to go scheduled privately in order to try and “save CT’s honor”, or whatever bullshit excuse Wash was pulling to make his chance for money and sex seem less shameful. Wyoming was in the middle of composing a letter when the “knight in shining armor” knocked on his door.

“Come on in, Wash.” Wyoming called out without so much as looking up. “Take a minute to get comfortable, I’m almost done with-” but he never got to finish his sentence, because his chair was being spun around with incredible force that obviously didn’t belong to Wash.

“Oh. Hello. I…didn’t expect you, honestly.” Wyoming stammered a bit quickly, because it was hard to keep his composure when being given the evil eye from the project’s second most terrifying agent, Maine.

To Maine, this was easy. He had already fucked Wyoming once, when it had been his own little perverse challenge. He would have a go, purposefully flub it up, but make sure Wyoming didn’t walk out of it with the stamina required to last more than thirty seconds with the next in line, Wash. Not that Wash would be a thirty-second romp. Maine knew exactly how quickly Wash could get off, and it took much more than thirty seconds. Wyoming would be humiliated, finally, and Wash would win one of these stupid contests, finally.

At least, that’s how it was supposed to go. Maine didn’t expect Wyoming to know what he wasn’t supposed to-in fact, if Wash hadn’t said anything about it in passing conversation, Wyoming wouldn’t know that Maine liked being a bottom. Maine was depending on the assumption that a guy as bulky as him would always be assumed to be some sort of fitness junkie who weight lifted while topping someone. Maybe Maine should have brought weights with him.  
When Wash knocked on Wyoming’s door, he was greeted by a sweaty and flushed Maine who looked like he was about to have a heart attack at Wash’s mere presence.

“Oh, hey! Sorry, do I need to come back later?”

“Hardly. We’re finished, and I’m good for it still.”

“Maine? You okay?” Wash asked a little quieter, still blocked from going in by Maine’s large size. Maine stepped forward and gently grabbed Wash’s face with a burning palm, pulling him into a quick kiss. Wash instantly melted into it-mainly (Mainely) because Maine was emanating heat like crazy.

“Win.” Maine hissed, kissing Wash’s forehead before moving aside and walking away.  
To Wash’s credit, he lasted longer than anyone else had. The moment he pushed past CT’s record, though, Wyoming kicked in with his secret weapon, and that was the end of Wash’s idea of winning.

“Hmm. Just over four minutes, that’s a new record. Have you been training?” Wyoming couldn’t help but try to crack jokes, even if they were bad ones. Wash groaned loudly, face buried in Wyoming’s shoulder out of shame for the near pornstar-like moaning he had just done. He had even said Wyoming’s fucking name, so there wouldn’t be any confusion to the passerby of who was winning.

“There there, better luck next time. I’m certain someone else will be making a betting pool for themselves soon enough, chin up.” Wyoming tried to keep the chuckle out of his voice, gently rubbing his hand down Wash’s back as the younger freelancer screamed internally. Externally, it was just a high-pitched squeal.

“Agent Wyoming, you have-” the monotone text-to-speech voice piped up in the back of Wyoming’s head. Wyoming frowned, but didn’t say anything before the AI knew this probably wasn’t the time to talk. Gamma shut off.

“Tell you what, mate, I can lay off on mentioning this to the other freelancers-”

“You’re only saying that because you think Maine is going to try and kill you.”

“…no…” Wyoming lied. It wasn’t convincing. At least it had Wash cracking a smile against the British freelancer’s collarbone.

“Don’t worry, he wasn’t planning on hurting you or anything.”

“Your use of “wasn’t” concerns me.”

“Anyway, I’m gonna go.” Wash said quickly, pushing himself up and getting dressed with the speed of a teenage boy who heard his girlfriend’s parents coming home. He was out the door before Wyoming could even reply.

 

Of course, plans always come in three phases. Maine knew that best of all. He had a contingency plan for when the regular plan failed horribly and both he and Wash were going to suffer the shame that this entire stupid bet brought. So when Wyoming started shit-talking, Maine just grinned and bore it, waiting for his revenge to fall into place.

“Oh! Good morning, everyone, sorry I slept late!” Piped in the cheery tones of agent Florida, who yawned as he poured himself a cup of coffee and grabbed an apple to gnaw on.

“Jesus, Florida, have you looked in a mirror? You look…”

“Thoroughly fucked, I know.” Florida replied, but with no menace in his voice. In fact, underneath the long unmade hair and the bags under his eyes, there was a hint of color in his cheeks and a certain sparkle in his eye that the other freelancers had seen often enough.

“Well, looks like you two had a fun night.” CT said, looking between Florida and Wyoming. Wyoming tried not to show it, but the confusion was rampant in his face.

“What’s the matter, Wyoming?” Leave it to York to catch that flicker of confusion and go with it.

“I…nothing, nothing.” Wyoming shrugged it off, but he could feel his fingers tightening.

“So, anyway, did anyone try last night?” Florida asked, biting into his apple and looking around the collected group. South shuffled a little closer.

“Wait, you weren’t the one making the noise?” She asked. Wash bit into his lower lip in an effort to stop the flush that spread across his face.

“Honey, you’ll have to be more specific. I was making noise, but not with-” Florida started, but Wyoming cleared his throat and he trailed off.

“So wait, it wasn’t you with Wyoming last night?” asked Carolina.

“I assumed I wouldn’t get a chance to, so no.”

“Then who was it?” Carolina asked, this time with a pointed look toward Wyoming. Wyoming smirked, and didn’t even need to say before York caught the color in Wash’s face and made a correct assumption.

“Wait, if Wash was with him, than who fucked you up, Florida?” CT asked after a series of teases, ended only by the dismay of South being unable to come up with anything better than “agent sluttington”, which everyone agreed was an awful nickname.

“I…well.” Florida cut himself off by laughing, sinking into his chair. It was at this moment that Maine’s revenge kicked into high gear-or rather, a high middle finger pointed at Wyoming. Wyoming was momentarily stunned, his eyes blowing wide open and frantically flicking between Florida and Maine. Maine smirked, and the table was deadly silent. At least, for a few moments before South started guffawing, and the expression on Wash’s face had York and North sniggering, and pretty much it all went downhill from there as the biggest freelancer on the team flipped off the non-american freelancer for a solid minute while the British man looked like a bird with his feathers ruffled. Florida was smiling, but also sinking as low to the floor as he could.

“Enough of this skullduggery!” Wyoming snapped as he stood up with a huff.

“Skullfuckery?” questioned CT.

“Wait, skullfucking? What the shit, Wyoming?” South asked.

“No, skullduggery.” Wyoming snapped.

“Skullfuckery.” CT repeated.

“Skullfucking.” South repeated with a nod.

“Wait, who’s getting skull-fucked?” asked York.

“No, no, skullduggery! Not skullfucking! Honestly!” Wyoming yelled, stalking to the door.

“Wyoming, watch your fucking language!” South jeered after him. It carried along with Florida, who immediately got up and ran after Wyoming with his apple dangling from his mouth.

 

Like CT, South had a game plan. Unlike South, her game plan had a chance of succeeding, because of one simple biological fact: like her brother, she was very very gay. She wasn’t even remotely attracted to Wyoming. Yes, she had had sex with penises before, and even a few rounds with some of the guys on board, but Wyoming? The guy with a fucking rat stapled to his face? No way.

Of course, she almost felt the same amount of dishonor when Wyoming’s response to her was similar.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“I value my life too much to do this with you. Goodbye, agent South Dakota.” Wyoming sneered, slamming the door in her face.

Of course, if agent Wyoming valued his life more, he wouldn’t have done the one thing Maine insisted on warning people about, and that both the twins had confirmed was a bad idea, and open the door for Four Seven Niner. Money and bragging rights always seemed to bring her around the freelancers, as they were her bread and butter.

Over next morning’s bread and butter, agent Wyoming had another existential crisis.

“Agent Wyoming, it is essential that you eat breakfast. You need to eat in order to-” Gamma started in his head, but he shrugged the monotone away, forcing himself to eat a bite of toast.

That morning, for the first time ever, agent Wyoming drank a cup of coffee. And with that, everyone knew the Wyoming challenge was ended.

**Author's Note:**

> Please take note that I have no idea what the order of the AIs was. I just made a guess. Please don't judge me harshly, because this entire thing is just for fun. It's not meant to be serious. I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
